Christmas pics

Thanks Grandma for our PJs

Grandpa and Christopher

Grandma and Abigale

Standing Room Only

Thanks Tressa for having it at your house

Ryan, Allan and Kaden

Grandpa and his little girls
Lily Eve Kattie and Gabby

Tammy Tori and Gabe

We missed all of you who could not be there with us!

Christmas Sunday

The pictures where taken after church at grandmas house

I love Christmas Sunday. Last night was our ward Christmas party and I had to leave early because I was not feeling good. That really upset my kids. So last night Ray was saying that we did not have to go to church to day. I was shocked My first thought was cool but then I thought at how Lily and Gabby where so excited to where there new Christmas dresses. I said to Ray but it is Christmas Sunday. He looked kind of confused for a minute and then admitted he forgot that we don't go to church on Christmas just because its Christmas ( a little brain injury and this catholic back ground I guess.) So we decided that we would have to go. I am so glad we did.

This Christmas season has kind of been not very christmassy (is that a word) any way we have had to humble our selves and be the receivers this year and it has been well humbling. I am indeed very grateful for every ones generosity.

Any way Christmas Sunday. I love it! I love my kids getting new dresses and church clothes. Doing every ones hair. And making everyone match that is my favorite part, It really reminds me of our Christmases as little girls. I wonder if my kids will match there kids for Christmas

We had a great program put on by our ward choir. but the words the bishop shared with us were ones that really touched me. they are from president Hinckley in which he wished every one a happy holiday and more importantly an Hour to meditate and pray about the birth of our Savior. I hope everyone gets to have an hour of meditation to count our blessing and ponder the wonder that is Christmas.

Grandma is on the Web

Hi everyone. Just a little note to let you know that I got mom on the web. Her blog is grandmaoborn.blogspot.com.

Gabby

Gabby came into my room this morning with a drawing she had done. You could not tell what the drawing was of. But she told me about it. It was a picture of our house and the satellite dish with dad standing on the roof. She told me that it was be for dad got his defibrillator and his chest broke. Every night when it is her turn to say family prayers she prays that dads defibrillator will not go off. So do I.

You know it is time to post when...

Gabby and Lily making the eggs for Dinner

Kattie & Gabby Best friends

You know you need to post when you are at the bottom of Amy's blog watch list thing. Any way lots of things happening like MY SPACE is OPEN! you can find me there on Tuesdays and Thursdays offering free pregnancy testing! We also had Thanksgiving out at Tammys. That was fun.

We also set up out Christmas Tree

When we got all done getting the Christmas tree up we turned off all the lights and looked at our wonderful creation. Lily leaned into me and said "I think our tree is perfect." I would have to agree with her. It is not a prize winner but we were able to decorate it as a family, which in the years past I totally took for granted. but this year I think we are all just so aware of how it could of just been me and the kids. This year every thing is just a little bit sweeter.

my office

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Halloween

So I hope every one had a fun and safe Halloween, We had a fun one. Our day was kind of crazy it went something like this, get everyone up and ready to get out of the house by 9am. I know what you are thinking that 9am is not that early to be leaving the house but trust me it is for my family. It is dark out side and it is about 6 degrees. I send lily out to start the car about 10 min before we want to leave and then we get in the car only to find it still as cold as ever because she really did not get it started just got it so the radio turned on. Drive to Aunt Tammy's house which is about 25 min away to drop the kids off there so I can go with Ray to therapy Turn around drive back into town witch takes about 15 min get to Rays therapy spend 2 hours with Ray in therapy. Go get something to eat between the next therapy drop Ray off for his cardiac therapy and then drive to Fredy's to get last minute costume things for the kids drive back up to Tam mys and pick the kids up who really don't want to be picked up because they are having to much fun with there cousins. Tell them they have to hurry need to be back in Wasilla to pick up dad from his therapy's then we need to get ready for Halloween. The kids get in the car after several minutes of I can't find this and I can't find that's. Run back to wasilla to Pick up Ray drive 30 min. from wasilla to Palmer to grandmas house to pick up the rest of Gabby's Costume. By this time it is 3:35 I am going to be meeting with the landlord of my new clinic space to sign the papers at 4:00 So we run very fast up to my house witch is about 7 miles from grandmas every one gets out of the car runs gets there costumes on back in the car get to my meeting about 4:10 not so bad. sign papers ( yeah my very own space!!!!) Drive to the fair grounds for Halloween Hallow spend 1 hour there get in the car, drive to church do Trunk or treat for that takes about 23 minutes. Every one is freezing cold but we are not done yet. it is about 6:30 So we go to grandmas to show off our costumes and trick or treat around her neighborhood. It is already dark again out side and the temp. has drop about 9 or so every one is very cold. we leave grandmas about 7:10 and go to the Valley Hotel for Dinner. That was great fun. Then we get home about 8:30. My day ended there, I pretty much shut down and watched the show numbers on TV but the kids spent the next hour with there candy bags swapping and counting and stacking and doing all the fun things that we did when we were kids I let them sleep on the floor in the boys room so as long as they were quite it was OK.

Halloween

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It is winter in Alaska

The snow is falling and it is definitely winter!! I tell you this with happiness and sadness. I am happy because we are a here to enjoy this winter together it amazes me every day how close we came to not being together. And in sadness because I really do not like the long nights or short days how ever you like to say it any way you look at it it means less sunlight.

we are still trying to figure out what our life is spouse to look like but I think that we are doing a pretty good job at faking it. the funny thing is that life just keeps going it does not realize that I have had a bad year and need a break the kids still need love and you still have to pay the bills. to this end I am pleased to announce that I have started my midwifery practice in Palmer AK. I am calling it A natural Beginning and you may find my web sight at www.naturalbeginningsmidwifery.com I am very excited to start working again. And am very thankful to every one for there support.

Ray is doing great! He thinks that he is ready to drive again. I don't think the doctors are going to let him but I will ask any way. I don't know if he is ready to drive yet or not But I am definitely ready to have another driver in the house.

Well that is a short update

Fall Is Fun!!

Berry Picking

Kaden and Ryan are Best Buds

We Love Alaska in the Fall

Dad is doing great for just having surgery

Fun at the State Fair

Lily was so happy when she got her face painted.

What to do next

So we are staying crazy busy for being unemployed. Ray attends therapy 5 days a week for at least 2 hours so it is like a part time job. Grandpa mac is still here and is busy preparing for his trip south in a couple of weeks. And I am well holding it all together or like to think I am. I did get approved for my Midwifery licensee so it will be official as soon as I can afford to pay the license fee. So than I have to take on the task of making a decision on what to do next

Ray and I went to see his therapy Doctor yesterday to get an idea of what the out look is for recovery. He said he was pleased at Rays recovery but these things take time and Ray will not be driving or working or staying home with the kids by himself any time soon. We will meet with him again in Feb 2009 to have another evaluation. I have been toying with the idea of going to work in Mexico as a midwife while Ray can't work. but I don't know how realistic that is with his injury. We will be talking with his therapist about this latter this week. I found this great blog today from this family that has done what Ray and I have talked about doing for years. They are living aboard a 64 ft sail boat with there 3 boys around my children's age. I thought wow if they can do it why can't we do it. I guess you have to think that there dad did not have a brain injury 3 months ago. But I know Ray will be whole again some day and it is nice to know people are living there dreams and that We can to.

We are home Again

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So we are home again.Ray had his surgery on the 13th and was discharged from the hospital on the 21st. Ray said if he ever sees the inside of a hospital it will be to soon. I would have to agree with that one hundred percent!

We have been so blessed this summer. Ray came through his heart valve surgery with flying colors with only a little hick up but we are home and he is doing great. The hardest part of surgery is the recovery they say. I don't know if that is true but it is frustrating for Ray he can not lift more than 5 lbs( a full galleon of milk weighs 8lb) for the next 6 weeks that includes pushing and pulling so he has to find different ways of doing things. He told me this morning that he felt useless. Wow that is hard to hear.

It is amazing to me how often the hand of the lord is in my daily life. I was reading in the ensign the evening we got home from the hospital and came across a great article that really hit me. Coming to know for ourselves by Elder Kenneth Johnson this is just a little excerpt

"The Companionship of the Holy Spirit
One of the greatest blessings of membership in the Church is the opportunity to receive the gift of the Holy Ghost. Through virtuous living we can qualify for this divine source of guidance, which enables us to see “things as they really are, and … as they really will be” (Jacob 4:13).
We then see things clearly; we have a fresh view that is not limited to the span of our mortal sphere. To know that there is a plan and a purpose to our lives creates a vision of possibilities and opportunities of which we were not previously aware.
In his inspirational classic, As a Man Thinketh, James Allen observed, “Whatever your present environment may be, you will fall, remain, or rise with your thoughts, your vision, your ideal. You will become as small as your controlling desire; as great as your dominant aspiration.”3
With our aspirations tempered by an eternal perspective, our minds can be illuminated by the light of the everlasting gospel, enabling us to chart a course to reach our divine potential. The choice is ours. We can fall back into the lifestyle of the natural man or yield to the enticings of the Holy Spirit to become partakers of the divine nature (see Mosiah 3:19; 2 Peter 1:4)."

Ray has had some incredible blessing over the past few months. the most recent was right before his surgery and Ray was told that he should take this time to prepair for his mission in life and when the opportunity present it self he will be ready to recognize it.

So when Ray said he was feeling useless I was prompted to remind him of this blessing and to read this article together. I am so glad that the lord has a plan for Ray and our family and has given us the gift of the holy ghost that we can be guided. Any way I think that is cool.

So we decided that this was Rays time to get a scholor education and develope a personal relationship with our savoir. I am so excited about this next chapter in our lives and that we get to do it together ( well because Ray is not dead LOL, I love saying that.)

On a different note. I took my NARM exam on the 20th that is the national test for midwifery. I will have all my paper work in for the AK State board at the beginning of next week and the board will meet on Sept 12 And I hope that I will be licenced soon after that. Ya me.

Just an update

We took this last weekend to have a little time away and see a little of Alaska with Grandpa Mac. We left Friday and came back Sunday. Mom and I drove in one car with the girls and Ray and Grandpa Mac drove in another with the boys. It was a beautiful drive and we only had one misshape. Grandpa Oborn changed the oil on the little car that morning and forgot to put the oil cap back on. We caught it before the engine blew up. but it was exciting for a while.

Josh had a wonderful baptism. It kind of weired me out a little because it was exactly 8 weeks to the hour that we were at Sandy's baptism and then Ray had his heart thing so I was kind of holding my breath until 12:07 passed and nothing happened. Amy had a great open house and had lots of friends there. Then we took the kids to Santa's house and then went to pioneer park and saw a little bit of Alaskan history; it rained on us but was fun anyway.

We have kind of gotten into a little routine and are getting used to our daily life, just in time for Ray to have his open heart surgery. It will be on the 12th so pls. feel free to pray for us on that day. We think that Ray will be in the hospital for about a week and we are so grateful to Tressa and John for letting the kids stay with them while we are at the hospital.

So along with every thing else I have been trying to study for my NARM test ( my midwifery test) that will be on the 20th so you can pray for me on that day to.LOL

I hope everyone is doing well love you all

HI

I can not believe it has been 3 weeks and 2 days that we have been home.

Ray is doing really well, We go to therapies 3 days a weeks for 2 hours one hour for speech and one hour for occupational. They manly focus on memory and cognitive problem solving skills. You can hardly tell an out word difference. It is his short term memory that is still really bad. his concept of time and things, it is hard to explain if you are not living it 24 hours a day.

Lily expressed to me the other day while she was in tears her concerns and fears about our dad. I was a little over whelmed because the kids seem to be handily the changes in our life fairly well. I was trying to console her with the what you say to kids after a horrible thing have happened (every thing is going to be alright, Dad is not dead) and she looked at me with those very perceptive eyes and said" Some times it feels like he is. When I look at him sometimes it does not seem like he is my dad. and then that makes me feel guilty because I know that he is my dad and he is trying really hard."

How that just hit me like a ton of bricks for that is the same things I have been struggling with there is not anything out right not right with Ray; not any thing some one walking down the street would say "oh look that guy died 6 weeks ago." It is just the little nuances that we love about our husbands that are not back yet. It can feel very lonely some days and some days I just feel like a broken record, having to tell Ray about conversations we had the day before, those are some of the things that we are working on in therapy he is learning to write notes down about his day and conversations.

We had a TEE this morning to confirm that he needs heart valve surgery and he does. They might be able to repair it and not have to put in a new one. That is great news. He will still have the ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) for the rest of his life but it looks like it should be a nice long life:)

Every night I go to bed and am thankful for The second chance Ray and I have been given. We are so blessed to be able to raise our children together and walk along the river or what ever because we literally have all the time in the world. I asked Ray if he had any of those feelings like the people on the moves have after coming back from the dead that they just want to go live life to the fullest and not waist any minute. He told me no that he just wants to raise our kids to be great individuals. I have to admit though I feel like we need to go on some great once in a life tome adventure. We have been given such a gift and we need to share that with people. Our family knows that our heavenly father lives and he has a great plan of happiness for us, how cool is that. And the reality is even though we have had this great and wonderful miracle in our lives I still had a hard time getting up and going to church this Sunday and we still have to deal with bills etc. I have realized through this whole thing, that does not mean I am a bad or week in spirit it just means that I am mortal the way that heavenly father created me and that he knows and loves me any way. Ray and I have been given an opportunity to better not only our lives but the lives of family and our friends. I hope that we we can and will do that in what ever way we can. For I know that all of you better My life with your love support and prayers.

We are going home

We are going home!! I can't believe it has only been 3 weeks and 1 day scenes I was calling 911 and giving my husband CPR. Ray has made incredible strides. The doctors don't know what to think about it.
First he was not spouse to make it through the night, then he was not spouse to wake up and then he was going to be a vegetable and then he was going to probable have a different personality and not be able to function on his own. Well none of that is true. He is doing great. Rays doctor stoped me in the cafeteria to tell me that he works with about 5-6 patience a year that have had similar head injuries and that none of them have made such rapid recovery as Ray has. He said that Ray is probable 75%-80% back to normal and is expected to make a full recovery. He will not be able to work or drive a car for a while and we are spouse to hide the power tools. LOL He is going to have more out of the hospital rehab speech and physical therapy to work on his memory and endurance.
I have to say that I am a little scared tonight of going home tomorrow. It has been so easy to sit in the hospital and see how Ray is improving everyday and say every thing is going to be OK. But the reality of dealing with life post CPR is going to start hitting as soon as we walk out the doors.
My biggest fear is that Ray will think that he has let the family down because he can't work. How can I explain to him that his willingness to come back to our family and give up being with the lord for me and the kids. Is something that I will always treasure, more than any job or financial stability he could ever offer me.
How did I get so blessed to have Ray in my life?

THANK YOU!!

Thank you for all the prayers and love that you have given us.
Thank you to all the family and friends that wept and rejoiced with us.
Thank you for the support and courage you gave me.
Thank you for the priesthood power that you are willing to live worthy to hold.
Thank you for your willingness to share and use that awesome power.
The lord has given us his priesthood that we may use it and perform the miracles that he sees fit. Not just the big miracles such as we have all been privileged to be part of with Ray, but the small ones of comfort and peace. The ones you give your children when they go to the first day of school, or when they have the flu. I am so thankful for the knowledge and testimony I have of priesthood blessings. That has grown with me from when I was a child through the example of the small blessing. That I might have the faith I needed to put my trust in a priesthood blessing; to know that no matter what the out come, our heavenly father was pleased with my husband and the eternal family that we have created.
I am thankful for the fathers blessing that my father gave me that counseled me not to worry, for worry comes from satin and with worry you can not have faith. When I turned my heart to trust and faith in the lord and my eternal companion my heart was full and I have had peace.
Ray is doing well. He has been moved to the Rehab center of the hospital and we will get a game plan a prognosis tomorrow. He has trouble with his speech and motor skills and memory he has difficulty remembering what we talked about 20 min ago and where we live or the recent trip to Disneyland. but he remembers the important things( that we love each other and our children) the rest will come or it wont we have a life time to find out.
Thank you again for your love and prayers

OK that was so fun I love posting photos hope you like them. Kind of gets you up to date at what we have been doing for the last month or so. I have not had a lot of time to get on the computer and just look around. I can spend hours looking at all the families blogs it is so much fun to see what everyone is doing. All the cousins and every thing. We have had a fun week with Sabrina and Katie staying with us The girls are all sleeping in Grandpa Macs room all together; they think that is so cool.

I had a thought on Sunday this week that I have been meaning to share. It is one of those thoughts that come to me when I am least expecting them.

Sunday morning I woke up in a not so good mood as has been the normal for me lately when it comes to 9am church. The last few weeks I have not made it to church because of a birth. Ray was really excited not have to get the kids ready by himself and to get to go to church as a family. Any way I was in a really not so nice mood and I picked a fight with my husband. (I know hard to believe) I wanted to stay in bed longer. So I told him I did not need as much time to get the kids ready as he did because I am Supper Mom. (or something to that affect.) Lets just say it was not the best spirit in my home that morning but we were able to get to church on time. Then I realized it was Fast Sunday and well that kind of annoyed me to.
Just as sacrament meeting is about to start my phone rings (I have to keep it on at church in case I get called to a birth)It was my dad, he needs a ride to the church for a meeting. I am really excited that I get to miss some of the meeting, so I jump at the chance to go.
OK I know you are thinking that I am really an awful person right now not wanting to be a church with my family.This is why am telling you this story.
I get my dad but my mom needs to get the car they left at my house the night before. So I am thinking cool I might miss all of Sacrament meeting. I take my dad to the church and my mom up to my house. We decide to take a look at the flower boxes I planted because my husband told my mom that they were not doing so well (thanks Honey another excuse not to get back to the church) My mom is looking at my flower boxes and says" are you watering these?"
and I say "yes"
She says "well they need water that is whats wrong with them."
and I say " I have been giving them water regularly" a little annoyed at her for thinking I can't water flowers ( really we are talking a chore a 4 year old can do.)So I proceed to show her that I do know what I am doing and start watering the flowers.
My mom says" OK if that is all you are doing it is not good enough you need to be getting the routes all the way at the bottom of the box. If this is going to work; if you want them to service you really have to give them water until it is coming out of the bottom of the box." and she proceeds to what looks like drowned my flowers with lots of water.
You see were my house sits we have great southern light and lots of pretty steady wind. This really sucks the moister out of the soil.
So this is the thought that came to me.
My life and testimony is like my flower boxes if you look at them from a far off
they are quite pretty, but if you look close they are struggling not reaching there full potential.
As is with my life and testimony, I guess I thought I am doing enough. We go to church, We are well religious about family prayer in the evening, I even have about 40% OK maybe 30% visiting teaching record. I feed the missionary 2-3 times a month, my kids listen to the primary songs,and my husband and I are temple recommend holders. I mean we look the part. But then why was I so excited to get out of going to church. And what was up with my attitude that morning.
It accord to me that I am treating my testimony like I was treating my flower boxes I was just doing the bare minimal that is required of me. I am not doing any thing to really sock the routes of my testimony. It was quite a wake up call. There is so much more I could be doing.
We spend a lot of time as a family, but we do not have weekly family home evenings with a lesson. We say family prayers but not couple prayers, and we have stooped reading the scriptures on a regular bases. not to say that we never do these things but they are few and far between.
So I am having these thoughts as I get back to church in time for a few more testimonies and a woman in our ward stood up and told an interesting story.

She walked by a stack of about 2000 paper bags that were sitting an her porch for the u-pick farm her family is running for her parents while they are on there mission and she thinks I should move those. but she doesn't and she walks by them all day with the same thought and not a cloud in the sky. But then as it some times does in our area it rained that night. Not all of the bags were ruined but a lot were. What she said next is what touched me most.
It is not enough to know what you are spouse to do if you don't do it.
Wow was heavenly father talking to me that day or what. So needless to say I am making a new commitment to excellence because our heavenly father wants us to reach our potential.

The deck

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